I thought long and hard about where to go on vacation for February mid-winter break when I get the only annual guaranteed full week with my girls. They are no longer little girls who get excited at the prospect of Disney for a day or two and visiting their grandparents in Florida. Truth be told I promised after the last trip that we would never again stay at grandma and grandpa’s… way to stressful and boring for them. In the future we will make short visits and stay at a nearby hotel.

This year I wanted to make sure to take them someplace they would not only love, but that can give them the freedom to be “out and about” without Daddy (actually Dad now… to my chagrin) hovering over them. I am happy to enjoy their pleasure from afar, or join in when/if they want my participation. After looking at many alternatives I decided to go with Club Med… an option I had so enjoyed for many years before I had children and one that has evolved with many family choices. I chose Club Med Ixtapa since I thought traveling to Mexico would be a great place for reliable weather, the resort seems gorgeous, Trip Advisor has so many great reviews, and there are a host of fun activities along with beautiful beaches. My daughters are very different… my 17 year old is reserved, artistic, likes quiet beaches and will most certainly take advantage of the great photo opportunities (she studies photography); my 15 year old is outgoing, loves activities, especially sailing, and will flip (no pun intended) over the trapeze.

Seems to me at Club Med I can be with them a good deal of the time, but can also allow them the freedom to be on their own… and maybe the GO’s (staff member at Club Med so well known for their congeniality) will encourage both of the girls to do things they may have otherwise dismissed.

Can’t wait to get there, crossing my fingers for a trip that will truly live up to my expectations, and looking forward to making some family memories that will stay with us forever. Stay tuned for my follow-up post hopefully entitled: Dad… you ROCK

“Memory is a way of holding onto the things you love, the things you are, the things you never want to lose”. ~The Wonder Years

My Interview with Ted Rubin, Social Marketing Strategist & Chief Social Marketing Office at Collective Bias

Tell me a bit about what you do?

I am a social marketing strategist and in March 2009 started using and evangelizing the term ROR, Return on Relationship™… a concept I believe is the cornerstone for building an engaged multi-million member database, many of whom are vocal advocates for your brand, like the one I built for e.l.f. Cosmetics (EyesLipsFace.com) as the Chief Marketing Officer between 2008 and 2010, and the one built for OpenSky.

Return on Relationship™, simply put, is the value that is accrued by a person or brand due to nurturing a relationship. ROI is simple $’s and cents. ROR is the value (both perceived and real) that will accrue over time through loyalty, recommendations and sharing. ROR is used to define and educate companies, brands, and people about the importance of creating authentic connection, interaction, and engagement with consumers.

What is your Social Style? Do you use Humor, Straightforward, etc.

I believe that it’s All About Relationships… so I focus on interacting and engaging with those who follow me. For me style is all about being authentic, showing who you are and being consistent. I share a lot, not only about my business philosophy, but about being a Dad, and a host of other topics that ignite my passion and thoughts.

Tell me about your Twitter handle

I have three personal Twitter handles… @TedRubin, @Parentng, and @R_onR.@TedRubin is my primary and encompasses everything there is about me personally and professionally. I use Twitter as a publishing platform… a place I can write very quickly and easily present my thinking, get feedback, share, and learn. Learn what others are thinking and how they respond to my thoughts, theories, and ideas. I also love that there is always someone to reach out and interact with whether with purpose or simply to be social. And the immediate and always present serendipity of Twitter puts a smile on my face and has consistently added value to my life.

@R_onR is focused on the topic of Return on Relationship™, and @Parentng speaks for itself 

What is your favorite social networking site?

Clearly Twitter… that is where I spend most of my time. I like Facebook, especially for the way it connects you with more of people’s lives, but for interacting/engaging, immediacy and expressing your thoughts… there is nothing like Twitter.

What makes you stand out on FB, Twitter, or Linkedin, or any social site that you use?

Probably my authenticity, willingness to share my thinking and show the world who I really am, and the fact the I consistently publish original thinking. Also that I try to do what people like most when you spend time with them in person… look them in the eye, although I do it digitally.

What do you like most about social media?

The ability to connect to so many, and build relationships with people you most probably would never have met without these platforms.

What do you like least about social media?

The fact that so many people, and companies, are getting lost in the numbers and not interacting and engaging. The words “Friend,” “Like,” and “Fan” have lost so much value. We need to take them back and give them real value again.

If there was one area that you think you need help in while using social media what would that be?

The ability to step away and turn it off. Hard to stop as it is 24/7 and I always feel I might be missing an opportunity.

What does Branding mean to you?

Branding is the art of becoming known, liked and trusted… which makes relationship building the end game of Branding.

What advice would you give to others trying to get started and noticed through these social media platforms?

Get out there, be a prolific publisher, be authentic… “Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.” ~Dr. Seuss

What is your favorite blog?

SethGodin.com… simply brilliant.

What is your favorite social media tool to use?

Tweetdeck… love it.

Do you think the number of followers or fans matter?

Yes and no. I believe many are looking at this in too narrow a fashion. Everyone is trying to assign a dollar value to a Facebook fan or Twitter follower instead of addressing the fact that the engagement and interaction that takes place in these mediums are what is incredibly important to a brand, whether corporate or personal. Building a relationship with existing and future followers is the true value and strength of social media/marketing. So big numbers are good if relationships are built and value added. If not, then they are insignificant.

What inspires you?

To not only be a part of the lives of my daughters, but to have influence on how they think, reason, and develop.

I believe being a Father transcends how we feel moment-to-moment. We have to remember that everything we do is being observed, recorded, and processed in the present, and the future, and will be a key component of our children’s emotional development… especially for children who are the products of divorce. They are always watching/observing, and although they cannot truly understand it all now, our interactions are being stored for future analysis… whether conscious or subconscious it will all affect the way they view the world, friendship, love and affection.

However, the older I get and the more experiences I have and relationships I develop, the more convinced I am that each individual’s purpose in life is to draw their own map. Throw out the recipe book, the paint-by-numbers kit, and anything anyone ever told you about who or what you should be—and chart your own course.

It’s not easy—and it’s not comfortable. We are trained from birth to make safe, reliable choices. In school we are encouraged to conform and not to color outside the lines; in business we are comforted by “blueprints” and case studies; the media shows us how we should dress, where to vacation, and who we should emulate.

Think about it. The last time you went to the store to look for something in particular, what was your motivation? Did you see an ad for it somewhere? Have you chosen a vacation spot because so-and-so went there and raved about the good time they had? When you think about those experiences, did you feel a little “let down?”  Was the build-up of what you expected not quite what you thought it would be in the end?

On the other hand, when you remember a time you went off the map and did something completely new, how did that feel by comparison? I’ll be willing to bet that it was a much more satisfying experience—maybe even exhilarating! It wasn’t easy, you had to put more in, but you got more out. Maybe it’s time for you to be the one charting a course that others will follow.

When we were kids we intuitively leaned in the direction of creation. Making mud pies, finger painting and exploring was a lot more satisfying than playing with a toy, wasn’t it? We were charting our own courses, creating something new, and finding out more about ourselves. In fact, kids can teach us a lot about the creative process (see the 12 Most Important Lessons We Can Learn from Children).

It’s the uncharted experiences, not the guided tours, which truly help us “create” ourselves. When we listen to the inner nudge to do something different and go in a way that intuition leads us—follow our dreams and desires rather than in someone else’s footsteps—those are the moments that define who we are and give us insight into how we can participate in the world around us. We shouldn’t lose sight of that.

So  as you look ahead to the coming year, instead of trying to “find yourself” by following what others have done, dust off one of the dreams you’ve kept locked away—one that makes your heart sing with anticipation—and just for fun, plot out a plan to make it happen.

Dreaming is an act of creation, and it’s the wellspring of innovation. So don’t stifle your inner creator; feed it, and open yourself to new possibilities.

“Cherish your visions and your dreams, as they are the children of your soul; the blueprints of your ultimate achievements.” ~ Napoleon Hill

I believe that dads should do whatever it takes to get full joint legal and custodial custody, even if equal splitting of time means not having a “primary” home. Many psychologists advise against this and recommend that the child should have a primary residence, but I disagree. Don’t be left out of your kids’ lives. Step up and commit to being available for your children right from the beginning. Be a steady influence in their lives so that when they are teens, and they pull away for their own reasons, you remain a constant enduring presence.

I learned that no matter what it took, I needed to stay involved and be a steady presence. Because my 14- and 16-year-old daughters lost the simple feeling of, “I love my Daddy,” parenting became much more difficult. But, no matter what, I stayed present. Now, when they ask why they have to be at my house when all they do is stay in their rooms or watch TV in the den (while doing their best to ignore me), I tell them that just their presence is important to me.

Nothing can replace face-to-face interactions with my daughters. Although I do social media for a living, I never communicate with them through social media. I occasionally check Facebook to see what they are doing, but the last thing they want is their dad communicating with them in a visible format. When necessary, I send texts and phone calls. Although they rarely check email, I always send one before I fly to tell them I love them (just in case), so they will always know. Our most important moments are face-to-face, when I am truly paying attention and being involved in what they do.

Due to my work in social media marketing, I’ve built deep, rewarding relationships with many Mom Bloggers. Because I reveal my status as a divorced dad of teenage girls, the moms share valuable advice that I hope has made me a better, more sensitive and insightful dad. I have been asked, “If I had just one hour with my girls, what would I do?” At this point, I would choose anything that would be doing “with” them. When they were young, and I had a real choice, I would choose swimming because it was so interactive. Now, I make myself available when opportunites present themselves..

Being an involved dad has changed my life. Everything I do is all about what I can do for my kids and how I can make the world and their lives better. In business, I preach about the importance of relationships. I hope to pass this legacy on to my girls: It’s All About Relationships.

My dreams have changed because of being a dad. My dream day now is skiing (or doing anything together) with my girls and them truly wanting to be there with me… just like when they were young and we enjoyed those very special ski days. I want my daughters to know that I love them unconditionally, and to make a difference in the lives of others… even if only with a smile and kindness.

Originally published by me in Your Teen Magazine (at their request): Coping with Divorce, Personal Stories / Winter 2012 issue, page 15

Spending time with my girls is something I put before all else. They are teenagers now and being a divorced Dad it can be challenging to continue to reach out, put them first, and maintain this in the face of their lack of interest and the roadblocks so easily put in place by their Mom as well as all the other other distractions, like social media, that can keep my focus and attention from them.

What inspires me to move beyond limitations and obstacles is the love of my children and a desire to not only be a part of their lives, but to have influence on how they think, reason, and develop.

I believe being a Father transcends how we feel moment-to-moment. We have to remember that everything we do is being observed, recorded, and processed in the present, and the future, and will be a key component of our children’s emotional development… especially for children who are the products of divorce. They are always watching/observing, and although they cannot truly understand it all now, our interactions are being stored for future analysis… whether conscious or subconscious it will all affect the way they view the world, friendship, love and affection.

This is the thought process that guides the way I behave, the face I reveal to them, and how I impress upon them my values and attitudes about life, friendship and love. My father used to say… “do like I say, not like I do.” I say… “do like I do!”

*Remember… parents do not realize when their daughter is a child, how fleeting the moments are. And in the blink of an eye, the little girl who did pirouettes (cartwheels) down the hall is dancing her way through her own life.

Message to my daughters… “Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.” ~Dr. Seuss

1.  Be yourself

Be exactly who you are, not just a replica of someone else, or a filtered-out version of who you think other people want you to be.  Authenticity (the real you) is what builds connections and relationships – why bother with anything less?

2.  Just be happy

Children default to “happy” … and you can too.   Your mood is actually up to you – it is a choice you can make any time of any day in any situation.

3.  Skip

I’m not kidding!  Need to drop the stress from a frustrating workday or find a way to put yourself in that “happy” place?  Skip!  I’m pretty sure it is impossible for you – or those around you — to stay angry or stressed after a skip around the block (plus it’s great exercise).

4.  Make friends

“Will you be my friend?”  While we might not ask exactly the same question in our grown-up lives, the sentiment is the same:  we need to reach out and make connections – in business and in the rest of our lives.  Friendships always matter because it really is all about relationships!

5.  Say what you mean, mean what you say

After a certain age, we call this “integrity.”   Did you make a commitment?  Stick to it.  Did you twist the truth?  Straighten it out.   Did you deliver what you promised, when and how you said you would?  Don’t give yourself the option for any answer other than “Yes!”

6.  Smile

A smile is a powerful little movement:  it relieves stress, reduces blood pressure, can change your mood (see #2 above — start with the smile), and my personal favorite, it is one of the few contagious things we actually WANT.  Give away a smile and it comes right back to you!

7.  Relax… take a nap

I recently did a whirlwind trip to Bogota Columbia (for SMWBOG), and when I returned I only got a short night sleep before I was back to work, beyond exhausted.  All it took was a nap to get me back to myself and ready to work again.  I say it’s time to bring back the nap!    It’s free, it’s easy, and it WORKS.

8.  Be fearless

When did our lives shift from fearlessness to playing it safe and basing our decisions so heavily around mitigating risk?  If we let fear get in the way, we trade innovation for stagnation… genius for mediocrity … adventure for boredom.  Which sounds better to you?

9.  Sing

Singing is a wonderful form of expression, even if it is just you singing along to a song in the car when nobody else can hear you.  Don’t you love when you pass someone in traffic who is “dancing” and singing, in their own world with the music?  Be one of those people!

10. Wonder about everything

Wonder is one of the most important tools we have in our lives, no matter what age we are.  When we wonder about everything, we remain curious and interested in everything and everyone around us, always looking for possibilities.  World-changing innovations grow from wonder (Steve Jobs, anyone?).

11. Explore

Exploration is a fantastic way to get new perspectives, both literally and figuratively.  Get out of your everyday physical, mental, and emotional environments, and you might be surprised at what you discover about yourself, your work, and your relationships!

12. Play

All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy, and no fun to be around, and not very effective at work.  Play is not a frivolous waste of time; it is essential in keeping our energy and creativity going.  Take your “recess” every day for a week and see what a difference it makes!

As a dad, I will always be grateful for what I have learned from my two amazing daughters, and for what I continue to learn as they grow (quickly!!!) from children to adolescents.  The ROR (Return on Relationship, #RonR) here is off the charts!  At each age, children can teach us.  Let’s not miss those lessons!  

Originally posted at 12most.com

I say NO.  “Action is the active ingredient that transforms goals into reality!”  Let us never forget that we can always improve the situation in which we live, make a better life for ourselves and the ones we love, and effect/fight for change even when the odds are against such change.  Being courageous enough to act on your goals/desires/needs to make a better life, better widget, better business and/or better world, is the first and most crucial step in making your goals into reality.

I experience this reality each and every day in business and personally. I am 53 years old, have had wins and losses in business, and know that the game is far from over.  There is huge opportunity presenting itself today in this new social media world and I am determined to not let it pass me by and finish with that desperately needed win.  YOU CAN DO THE SAME.

In addition I have faced serious challenges in my personal life that many would walk away from, as I have been told over and over by those who would and many who have seen those who do; but I am determined to have a positive effect on the lives of my daughters and continue to face those challenges head-on each and every day. Although this is exhausting mentally and physically, I do not bow in the face of the onslaught and odds that have been against me from the start.

Therefore in the face of all these financial and personal challenges we all face… I declare MY PERSONAL “Independence Day,” and you need to do the same!

The following two quotes stay with me always… ‎”I will never quit. I persevere and thrive on adversity… If knocked down, I will get back up, every time.” ~U.S. Navy SEALs –AND–  “Our attitude toward life determines life’s attitude towards us.”

#10. Ted Rubin

My father taught me the value of friendship, at all levels, and how important it is for you to be a friend first without expectation. He was always doing things for our neighbors… cleaning up, fixing things, helping out in any way he could, without expecting anything back in return other than friendship. He was the guy who would pull over, anywhere, and clean up a turned over garbage can and place it back where it belonged… and now I am too.

See the rest here… http://12most.com/2011/06/19/12-important-lessons-learned-dad/

What inspires me to move beyond limitations and obstacles  is the love of my children and a desire to not only be a part of their lives, but to have influence on how they think, reason, and develop.

I believe being a Father transcends how we feel moment-to-moment. We have to remember that everything we do is being observed, recorded, and processed in the present, and the future, and will be a key component of our children’s emotional development… especially for children who are the products of divorce. They are always watching/observing, and although they cannot truly understand it all now, our interactions are being stored for future analysis… whether conscious or subconscious it will all affect the way they view the world, friendship, love and affection.

This is the thought process that guides the way I behave, the face I reveal to them, and how I impress upon them my values and attitudes about life, friendship and love. My father used to say… “do like I say, not like I do.” I say… “do like I do!”